


Weird Reference

by Elegiac



Category: None - Fandom
Genre: Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Heart-warming Ending, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Love, Other, References to Depression, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Harm, positivity
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-01
Updated: 2018-01-01
Packaged: 2019-02-26 01:29:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,239
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13225341
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Elegiac/pseuds/Elegiac
Summary: Many things have been on my mind lately. I need to reach out to others in similar situations. I hope it brings light to someone. But do notice: Trigger warning. Hard trigger warning. It was for me while writing it.





	Weird Reference

**Author's Note:**

> (Not exactly a literary work, but take it as a letter of sorts from me to all of you).

Let's get directly to the point.

If you are depressed, don't hold it in. You have done nothing wrong. Take a break, talk with people.

Yes, sometimes, family and friends are part of the problem, but ... There is always someone willing to listen. Specialized phone lines and even some websites where people is available 24/7 are everywhere. Strangers can do wonderful things, believe it or not ...

If you decide to search for professional help, remember that not all specialists are the same. Sometimes a particular one might not make you feel good or won't help with any progress. That's okay; it's neither yours nor the specialist's fault. That's a normal occurrence on Psychology and it's the reason why so many different schools of thought exist within it. Just search for another one. It is okay. Do not keep it in. In all honesty, I can't assure you that the pain will go away. I don't have the recipe for the panacea. But talking about it does help. In small quantities and in short periods of time, maybe, but it does help. Believe me: That can actually be enough to go on day by day. Take little steps.

Even though it is not something to be encouraged AT ALL, don't be ashamed if you have hurt yourself in the past. You know what I mean by that. Don't be ashamed. People who don't understand how depression and mental disorders and/or mental health in general work are the ones that will blame you for it. They aren't worth your trouble. You aren't just lazy or a "snowflake" or whatever. But don't ever take it as punishment for you. You don't deserve punishment. You don't deserve pain. You have done nothing wrong. You have done well so far in life. You're here; you have done enough.

Don't do or participate in things that somehow make you feel worse. Whatever that may be, related to people, to hobbies, to work, whatever it is. Don't indulge yourself by listening to sad or depressive or "self-destructive" music when you're feeling down. It may sound silly but it makes a huge difference. DON'T read about people who have committed suicide when you're feeling down. Sometimes this can help you to learn a lot from other people's perspectives, but we're not always ready or in the right mindset to find that knowledge. Most of the time it just makes it worse. I should know. So just keep away from it. Don't see, watch, listen to or read about topics that talk about this when you are feeling down. Trust me, it just makes it worse either in the short or long run. It makes you acquainted to those types of things. It makes it seem common or even normal at some point. It makes you start to consider it yourself. I have been there. It doesn't help at all. Don't do it.

Some people like to believe that they can "train" themselves to resist these kinds of things. Some people like to believe that if they can't control themselves when they are exposed to those topics, that if they are "so easily" affected by them, it is their fault. That they should learn to stop, but that is NOT TRUE. IT DOESN'T WORK LIKE THAT. Your mental state in times of great depression can't be entirely controlled by you. Remember that it is an illness. All you can do is give it a nice environment to help it get better.

You might not be a believer and that's okay, but Jesus once said something very true: "If your hand makes you a sinner, sever it." No, I'm not telling you you're a sinner for thinking and feeling this way, or for being depressed. I'm being redundant with the two previous paragraphs: DON'T INDULGE YOURSELF IN THINGS THAT MAKE YOU FEEL WORSE. If you need to leave your house because the environment there is swallowing you whole, leave it (but make sure you can go with someone instead. If not a friend, there are some facilities that receive people in those situations. Search for them online. No matter what country you live in, always search for every option available for you). Never, EVER be afraid to deal with your problems. They will just get worse if you don't address them. I know, I've been there. I'm still there.

Some people say that writing (or expressing yourself with whichever art you prefer) about how you feel is a way to let it out. I have found, however, that this only works most of the time if you share it with someone. Keeping it for yourself will have the same effect as listening or reading or watching something that makes you feel worse because it usually brings memories and thoughts while you're creating it, whatever it is. I won't discourage you to try to express it somehow, though; the only other work I have written here was started to help me that way. I have been very slow with it and not very consistent, but I'm not planning on abandoning it. It helps me keep going. Find, then, what helps you keep going in minor ways like this. If you think it would work with you be my guest, but always make sure to evaluate yourself to know if it will or not.

Which brings me to another incredibly important topic. This is what helped me go through my own suicidal thoughts. Maybe it can help you too:

Always, first and foremost, EVALUATE YOURSELF. You know yourself better than anyone else will ever do. Think about why you feel the way you do. But not just superficially, that's the "trick"; weird reference, I know, but just like Hannibal Lecter says, remember Marcus Aurelius: First, principles. Of each particular thing ask "What is it in itself? What is it's nature?" Where exactly does your sadness or depression come from? Is there an actual event or events provoking it? Or does it happen without reason and is thus a mental health problem entirely? What can you do about it? Can YOU actually do something about it yourself or do you definitely need some sort of help? Evaluate, evaluate, evaluate. The more you do it the deeper you go and the more you manage to help yourself. It requires courage at some point, but it's worth it. It's what I have done and I'm still here. It works for me.

I'm of the philosophy that if I'm already down in a dirt hole, maybe it could get worse, but I'm already dirty. All I can actually do is try to push myself out, in case it works. I have nothing left to lose. At this point I realize I am the priority, and the load of the world eases on my shoulders. Sometimes something unexpected comes and pulls me just a little higher. And that's enough. Even if it's just a little bit, it feels wonderful.

It's the most wonderful feeling in the world and the darkness that came before it makes it all the more beautiful. It's... it's beautiful. I promise.

It might take a good, good while, but it comes. On my life I assure you it comes.

So keep on going. Never give up and always move forward. There's still music in you. There will always be still music in you.

I believe in you.

I love you.

**Author's Note:**

> As said in the summary, many things have been in my mind lately. This was a rough year; I hadn't felt the way I did this year since around 3-4 years ago when I was almost suicidal. But I survived, alone. If such a dumb person as myself could do it, anyone can do it. I believe in you. In all of you. I love you.  
> Here's to a better coming new year.


End file.
